August 10, 2023 — Kemptville, ON — In a bold move, while Cindy was on vacation, company founder and principal, Bill Kollaard has assumed the role of Receptionist and Dispatch. While the move is unusual in the industry, Bill insists, it is a lateral position to the one he normally holds.

“Cindy truly is the centre of the universe around here. Without her at the front desk, we’d have all kinds of riff-raff wandering into the office and telemarketers clogging up our phone lines,” he stated.

“Nobody else is qualified,” offered Cindy in a statement she drafted before she left for her annual reprieve.

Bill is currently planning the weekend team building exercise to be held on the Madawaska river. He mused, “I’m not getting much done with that, cause the phones just keep ringing off the hook. But if I stay late, instead of going home to fix my barbecue, which is REALLY important to me right now, I will get it done.” He stared at the wall for a while and took a deep breath. “Cindy’s job is REALLY hard.”

The upstairs crew, where Bill usually sits in his office, is having a field day. Chris absolutely pummelled the rest of the team with 9 strikes in a row in hallway bowling. Some didn’t even show up for work.

It is undetermined when Cindy will return, meanwhile, so if you wish to talk to Bill about your bill or for any other reason, just call the main number.

(With files from the Associated Press)